20 Minutes

My friend supposed to arrive the shopping mall before I reach. He was late for 20 minutes! I decided to wait for at the main entrance instead of going into the mall. Within the 20 minutes, I saw many people were walking into and from the mall.

Most of them were teenage girls and mid-age females. The feeling of jealousy rose from my heart when I see the way they dressed up and make up. Every of them wear nice clothes such as mini-skirt, wrap skirt, boot-cut jeans, strapless top, tank top, halter etc. They looked pretty, sexy and smart. I whispered to myself "Why I can’t wear like them? I am also a female!".

.........

Still remember how did I get rid from my cousins during past Chinese New Years. They used to play with fire crackers and playing cards. I felt I am different from them. Consequently I decided to stay in my parents’ room and watch TV after reunion dinner. No many relatives visit us after my family moved to the new house. I felt relieve for the past three Chinese New Years. Perhaps, it’s called "Low esteem".

No more desires

Fuel price has gone up 40%. Very soon the price of other goods too will escalate. Unfortunately, our monthly income remains the same. We, the disabled community has to face great problems when it comes to daily expenditures. We have to spend more for transportation, especially in my case, about 20% of my monthly income would go to pay the cabbie to bring me to and fro from house to office.

Once other goods prices increase, we would have more burdens in spending. Some of us are on medication and therapies and some of us are supporting our family. With a low income, we have to sacrifice our desires in order to pay for our necessary needs.

A piece of drawing paper

Today, I went to Gurney Plaza with my pretty mummy. Well, I was on my wheelchair again because I had a fall yesterday (Ouch!! my bum is still sore!). My pretty mummy pushed me around the ground floor. When we were about to enter the Esprit boutique, I saw a boy pointed at me, and asked his mum “What happened to her legs?”. His mum appeared embarrass to answer the question. But, I was happy that the boy was willing to enquire about me instead of running away. Children are just like a piece of drawing paper, it depends on us what to draw or paint on it.

感動

Bad habit

I love changing my mobile phone's ring tone so much. Perhaps, once a week!

You may like my current ring tone.

PS: Firefox users may not view the player and listen to it.

我要的...

我要做一個自由的女人
我要做一個有信心的女人
我要做一個被人羨慕的女人
我要做一個被人愛慕的女人
我要做一個脾氣好的女人
我要做一個有事業的女人
我要做一個有愛心的女人
最後我要做一個孝順的女兒

我可以做到嗎?

不了解自己要的是什麼

心情不大好就像最近的天氣.
哭了再想哭就像雨下了有要下.
我永遠不了解自己要的是什麼.

愛情與事業我都擁有了.
但是這樣的關係是我想要的嗎?
這份工作是我渴望的嗎?

他還是走了...

Fears

Fears of being rejected and ignored have been haunting my life. I had being rejected by someone who I like, I also had being rejected when I asked from a job and many more. Lecturers used to ignore me when I asked questions and classmates used to ignore me when I asked for help.

These rejection and ignorance might have pulled down my self-esteem and confidence. I would think twice or even more when I want to do something or approach someone. My life has to move on even there are fears. With these fears, I wonder how I am going to face my future and achieve my dreams. Consequently, I really think of rebuilding and reconstructing myself to move on.

Wind

Feeling came without expectation, feeling gone in sudden. I was glad to have the special bond with him although it was short. Just like the wind, huh?

Maybank vs Me

I was planning to open an account in one of the banks do some online banking to ease me to do online purchasing such as online ticket reservation and to top-up my mobile phone credit. I did some researches to see which bank offers the above services. Yesterday, I went to Maybank and intended to open a saving account there. Once I arrived, one of the officers…

Officer: What can I help you?

Me : I would love to open a saving account here.

Officer : Where is your guardian? Can you sign?

Me : I am above 18 years old. I’m working and I am educated. Why do I need guardian? I use my thumb print for my banking transaction.

Officer : Please calm down. This is our terms and conditions. We have to make sure that every of our customers is protected. We don’t want someone else to withdraw your money.

Me : Okay, What is your terms and conditions?

Officer : I’ll go to the counter and print it up for you. At the moment, you just fill up this form. Can I have your Identity Card to photocopy?

After a few minutes, the officer came back to me and returned my Identity Card to me.

Officer : I am sorry. The server is now upgrading so we are not able to print out the terms and conditions. Okay, I’ll ask my manager about your case when she is back. We will call you back.


Opening a saving account in a bank is a very simple transaction. Why did the bank reject me from this? Is this because of I am a person with disabilities? Person with disabilities has no rights to open his or her account for saving?

開心就笑

開心就笑, 是一件很容易的事情.
為何我不會笑呢? 難道我已經忘記了快樂是怎麼味道?
接受了一家報紙的訪問, 當被問到有怎麼新年願望, 我立刻回答, “我不喜歡過節, 我不喜歡新年!”.
每當節日我就好想關自己在房間裡, 我怕面對人.
看到其他人可以自由自在去玩, 我也好想出去與朋友見面聊天.
我不喜歡要麻煩爸媽. 我更不應該打撈他們在他們忙的時間.
節日是我最不會笑的時刻.

Merry Christmas

Cool New Graphics - MySpace/Friendster

零點

欣賞不代表喜歡

喜歡不代表愛

愛不代表擁有

擁有不代表快樂

沒有期待就沒有失望

沒有開始就沒有結束

沒有愛就沒有恨

沒有借就沒有還

The mixture of different feelings - Part II - They melt my heart!

They melt my heart! I hear greetings such as “Good morning, teacher” and “How are you?, teacher” from the familiar faces while I walk with my rollator to my department every morning. The greetings really melt my heart and make my day.

It was a party in my school which organized by Dell Asia Pacific Sdn. Children were asked to join and sing along with the staff from Dell Asia Pacific Sdn. It was proud and amazing to see them to sing. They enjoyed singing a lot. “Wow, my students sing well. I should have brought my digital camera”, I whispered to myself. They melt my heart once again.

As I mentioned in my previous entry, “What can they do is more important than how much they can do”. They can even touch and melt my heart with just a smile. What a miracle!

The mixture of different feelings

As a person with disabilities who teaches children with disabilities, I’ve got mixture of different feelings in middle of my heart. I now really understand the meaning of “What can they do is more important than how much they can do”. I would feel this world is all mine even they could only complete a simple task such as identify a few alphabets in my computer session.

On another hand, I always wonder what the perceptions of my students’ parents are. What are their perceptions toward me? Do they think that I am not capable enough to educate the child? Do they ever think that why the school administrator employed me? Do they worry about their child’s safety when their child is with me?

Few parents asked me “How is my child doing in your session?”. I replied, “She/He is doing well.” Besides that answer, I am not able to have a better description about their child. It is not because they are not improving. I worry that they do not understand my speech and they do not have confidence in my teaching and my knowledge.

The same thing goes to the elder students. They already have their own thoughts and perceptions toward their teachers and their life. Nevertheless, I will try my best to educate and usher them to become a better person.

Multitasking

In a computer, multitasking is allowing a user to perform more than one computer task (such as the operation of an application program) at a time. How about in a human being? Especially, our brain and thinking. I often think many things simultaneously, is that called "multitasking"? If our brain considered as a computer, could we just "turn off" our brain for a while?

妒嫉

看到他們有了自己的另一半, 感覺很妒嫉. 妒嫉不是因為我還想念他們, 而是我好想有一個人在我身邉支持我, 了解我和愛護我. 我也妒嫉他們可以找到一個全心全意去愛他們的人. 也許我沒有這個福分去擁有這樣的感情.

The colour of our love

The colour of our love has been vanishing. My sympathies have prolonged our relationship. Unfortunately you seemed like killing my hope. Your safety and your health were priority for me than anything; you hurt yourself by slashing your wrists. The wound in my heart is much deeper than your wrists wound, and my wounded heart is still bleeding. It was not acceptable. I really wish to have a new start in my life and I wish to be alone.

You uttered that you want to terminate your life again. You told me that your family left you and you feel you have nothing left. Did you ever think of my feeling? I have been giving my love to you.