Our world is like this...

Everyone is unique

2009-10-17T15:15:00.005+08:00

Everyone has own perception in life. Different perception between colleagues, friends, couples and families may lead disagreement. I have been experienced this since I was young. I used to think that I was the right one when other people have different understanding and view.

Time after time, I started to learn how to tolerate with this atmosphere. I have understood that I would not able to change anyone’s perception towards certain things. Everyone has different experiences, comes from different background and grows up in different environment. For instance, experiences which I encountered may be different from my best friends. Therefore, we are not supposed to judge them based on our own thoughts and feelings.

Of course, I would still stand for my rights in certain circumstances but I would also evaluate the other people’s perception.

About him...

2009-09-26T01:22:00.002+08:00

Relationship may end easily but love not may be vanished simply.

Our wonderful moment will not dissolve on my mind.

You are a man who I admire.

Your success inspired me every moment.

Your attitude and spirit motivated my life.

Splitting up with you is definitely a lost for me.

Dear, don’t give up. You shine my life forever.

Sigh

2009-07-02T06:57:00.007+08:00

I had been having strange odor in my nose for about 1 month. Finally I decided go for ENT Consultation. My mum dropped me at the main entrance of the hospital and asked me go to clinic no.12. As I tried to look for clinic no. 12, I glimpsed a familiar door with new nameplate. It was the door I used to enter whenever I get sick.

The physician who worked inside the room was my family doctor, Dr. Tan. He used to comfort me from illness with his prescription and his smiley face. Unfortunately, he diagnosed cancer for the second times. Will I still have chance to see his smiley face?

If I could...

2009-06-14T18:35:00.000+08:00

If I could walk without assistance…

I would have gone to a place I wish.

If I could speak fluently…

I would be a lawyer or deejay.

If I could run…

I would have left.

If I could fight…

I would have won in every battle.

If I could choose…

I would be the happiest woman in this world.

Why is the ATM machine so high?

2009-06-11T14:39:00.002+08:00

My friend and I went to shopping at Gurney Plaza today. I arrived there about 12pm. As I reached there, my friend wanted to withdraw some cash from ATM Machine. Consequently, we went down to basement 1 where the ATM Machines are located. There was no long queue at any of the ATM Machine there. My friend pushed herself close to one of them. Unfortunately, she could not able to see neither the screen nor press the button on the ATM Machine. I had to go near to tell her what was displayed on the screen and help her to press the buttons.

Accessibility is an essential aspect to made people with disabilities to live independently. Steep ramps, narrow aisles and toilets, high mounted public telephones and ATM Machine and inaccessibility public transportation stop people with disabilities going out from house.

Frankly speaking, I still don’t understand the feelings of a wheelchair bound truly even I do use a wheelchair in some occasion. I am able to stand up to reach things which are located at higher position and I am able to walk to reach the destination when the aisle is too narrow for a wheelchair. But I still have accessibility barrier when there are only squat toilets and staircase. Why not to have Universal Design in our environment to ease all the people.

Education is for everyone

2009-06-06T21:43:00.000+08:00

When it comes to education, women with disabilities are likely to have obtained less opportunity than other. There are few issues that stop them to go to mainstream or even special schools.

Experienced, trained and understanding teachers are the main issue. I remembered there were teachers who ignored me when I was in my secondary. This was my main distraction in my studies. I did not have good support from teachers.

The second issue is accessibility. Despite many universities and colleges are designed disabled-friendly, there are still many issues need to be improved. For instances, toilets and ramps’ measurements are still inappropriate and classrooms don’t have proper seats for them. This problem may stop them to further studies in universities and colleges.

Awareness among course mates is essential. Lots of people with disabilities study in segregation from their course mate. Discussing, participating and cooperating among course mates should be practiced in order completing course projects.

With limited education and knowledge, women with disabilities difficult to get ideal jobs and income. They will never be able to earn enough to fulfill their daily needs. Discrimination in society against them will be widespread.

Women with disabilities’ confidence come from various aspects such as career, outlook, education, wealth, freedom and love life. Thus, education plays an important role to build their confidence.

Parents vs Love life

2009-06-05T00:26:00.001+08:00

Today, I chatted with my two best friends on Skype about various topics including relationship, sexuality and how our parents see our love and sexual life. As I mentioned in my earlier posts, women with disabilities wish to have a man who loves and cares us.

Unfortunately, there are numerous obstacles to conquer in order to get true and comfortable love. One of the biggest challenges is to prove and convey to our parents that we have grown up and dare to go into “love battle”.

I have experienced tremendous times of failure. I failed to date the guy I like, I failed to pursue my parents that the relationship I really want to have and I failed to make the guy to be with me. I really felt the world is going to end when I encountered these all.

After several relationships, my parents started to understand that I also need love life and I wish to being loved. Sometimes, my mother gives me advices how to deal with a guy. I feel happy about that because my mother has understood what I need in life. However, my parents would never wish to see me heartbreak again, especially my mother. No matter what, all I need is support and understanding from my parents.

Freedom that I have

2009-05-24T12:33:00.000+08:00

As a woman with disabilities, I wish to achieve more things compare to other women. A good family is the most precious gift from God while career is what I can control with my own hands. Love is something that makes me feel more valuable in life. I really wish to have freedom within career, love and family. It is harder to get full physical freedom but I still believe I could think individually and decide independently.

Nagging parents are not fun at all. My parents nag me on everything even I am in my 30s now. They even give me narrow freedom in most of thing. However, I sometimes realize that nagging is a way to show love and caring. I would be happy if they nag me till my last breath.

Although the job that I have got is not my dream job, I still could apply my knowledge and experience on it. I could decide which way to establish it to make myself satisfy and feel glad whenever I see results.

Every woman yearns for true love, especially as a woman with disabilities. I’m very sure what type of relationship I wish to have. I don’t really go into “Romeo and Juliet” love story. I only need a simple love and simple man in my life. A man could make me feel the freedom.

These are all things that I could think, decide, determine and evaluate independently. Most of the time, we could use our thinking to free ourselves even we have physical limitations.

Two states of life

2009-03-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

Life is actually simple. We only have two states in life, either “success” or “fail”. These two states may come at the same time. I failed in many things but I still success in something. We always hear the statement of “Learn from our failure”. I used to afraid that I’d lose something which I really like and now I am about losing it. I may fail to defend the thing which I like but the same time I may learn and success to live without it.

Help Me!

2009-01-17T11:43:00.000+08:00

The biggest challenge in my life is making decision. I really admit I am weak in choosing thing and making choice. If there are two options, I would spend long time to decide which one I really want. The worst thing is that I would feel regret after the decision is being made. I have been experiencing this problem since I was very young. I feel very suffer when I was asked to choose. Is there any solution to tackle my strange problem?

We are the only one

2008-12-31T20:13:00.000+08:00

Artist, Vivian Chow announced her break up with her boyfriend after the news of her boyfriend locked tongue with another girl exploded in tabloid. Few days later, Vivian Chow announced that she has accepted her boyfriend’s proposal. It was quite surprising and dramatic! Some of Vivian Chow’s fans are quite disappointed with this decision.

From above news, I really can see the words “tolerate”, “bear”, “abide”, “understand”, and “forgive” are always in their mind when a couple really wishes and decides to uphold their special bond.

Sometimes, a third party likes to make comments over a relationship which he or she thinks the relationship is not right or the couple is not suit to each other. But do we really understand how much they love each other?

Be brave and honest towards your love. Nobody and no word would take away the relationship that you want and the person who you love.

Endless...anger

2008-12-27T12:08:00.000+08:00

Tears rolled in my eyes
It dropped onto my cheeks, finally.
I do try hard not to think
It plays on my brain again and again.

Your future may be destroyed in my hands
But I am not able to abide it anymore
I do try to think for you and your future
But you never show appreciation.

You were someone I used to respect and care
But now my anger against you is endless
Our friendship has been paused
But I still wish everything will be back to normal

Just want my blog to be updated

2008-12-20T15:57:00.000+08:00

No idea and no aspiration what to write. Just want my blog to be updated. I supposed to think about what are my new year’s goals. And now, lots of things come across my mind such as stand my independent life by renting a small apartment, do my Master Degree and start doing some investment. They sound good but questions started rise from my mind. "Would I do these?", "Can I do these?" and "Do I really want do these?".

My "Dream guy"

2008-12-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

This post, I am going to write about something happy and joyful. Okay, I’d love write about my “Dream guy”. I think I haven’t met any guys who can consider as my “Dream guy”. I extremely like guys who are happy and confident; the reasons are I don’t have these two characters.

White collar is not a criterion for my “Dream guy” and he doesn’t have to be very success in career or high position. He enjoys his job and responsible in whatever he does are the most important and sufficient. He knows what does he want in his life.

“Machine gun” is how I describe guys who talk non-stop. In my opinion, guys who talk too much and like gossiping are not attractive, sexy, and seduced at all. “Talk and comment when necessary!”. Nevertheless a little bit of humor sense is important and builds our friend and relationship.

Last but not least, I don’t prefer guy who can’t decide things. A good decision-maker always scores more in my heart.

Enviousness

2008-12-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

Some of my female friends who are disabled envy seeing those happily married women. While I, myself feel envy seeing those women who get a good companion. Although my enviousness is strong, it never stronger than the fear of being abandon and neglect by someone I love.

Because of those feeling and perception, I refuse myself to be in love easily. Sometimes I wish I could meet a man who understands and loves me. On another hand, I understand that it is hard to get my ideal life partner. Being single may be not a bad thing for me.

Overcome Loneliness - wikiHow

2008-11-29T20:43:00.000+08:00

Overcome Loneliness - wikiHow

Above article gives me some ideas to overcome loneliness.

Feel free

2008-11-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

One of my friends sent me a blog. I still remembered vividly one of the posts was titled "Enjoy your loneliness". The author mentioned about how she enjoys and overcomes her loneliness. She feels free when she is alone. She does things that she likes when she is alone. She also gets to know herself more when she is alone.

In some ways, the author inspired me. After reading the post, I could feel I am not the only one who experiencing loneliness. There are thousands of people who suffer from loneliness. Therefore, I am learning how to make myself feel better and I am trying to persuade myself that loneliness is not an eerie feeling at all. Twisting the lonely moment into meaningful moment by doing things that I love is what I need to learn and discover.

Another post about my low self-esteem...

2008-11-17T11:54:00.000+08:00

The familiar voices flowed from outside of my office. A few colleagues were talking. They sounded to have an interesting topic to discuss. I was thinking of opening the door and joining their conversation. I ended up sitting on my desk to do my work.

I have been working in my former school for 1 year and 11 months. Some of my colleagues are my former teachers. Unfortunately, I still don’t communicate well with them. I am afraid I would utter improper words, I am afraid they don’t understand my speech and etc.

I sometimes think of doing crazy things such as flirt and approach the guy who I like and criticize the persons who I don’t like. Nevertheless, I don’t have the courage to do those things. Another post about my low self-esteem...

The journey

2008-10-06T15:40:00.000+08:00

Life is not a journey. The journey itself is life. Things happen in every minute in our lives. We meet different people under different circumstances. We separate with our love ones because of many reasons. Just like passengers in a public transport. Passengers walk out from it when they reach their destination and new passengers may walk into the public transport again. Therefore, we have to appreciate everyone who walks into our lives.

20 Minutes

2008-09-24T13:52:00.000+08:00

My friend supposed to arrive the shopping mall before I reach. He was late for 20 minutes! I decided to wait for at the main entrance instead of going into the mall. Within the 20 minutes, I saw many people were walking into and from the mall.

Most of them were teenage girls and mid-age females. The feeling of jealousy rose from my heart when I see the way they dressed up and make up. Every of them wear nice clothes such as mini-skirt, wrap skirt, boot-cut jeans, strapless top, tank top, halter etc. They looked pretty, sexy and smart. I whispered to myself "Why I can’t wear like them? I am also a female!".

.........

2008-09-15T13:43:00.000+08:00

Still remember how did I get rid from my cousins during past Chinese New Years. They used to play with fire crackers and playing cards. I felt I am different from them. Consequently I decided to stay in my parents’ room and watch TV after reunion dinner. No many relatives visit us after my family moved to the new house. I felt relieve for the past three Chinese New Years. Perhaps, it’s called "Low esteem".

No more desires

2008-06-07T21:30:00.000+08:00

Fuel price has gone up 40%. Very soon the price of other goods too will escalate. Unfortunately, our monthly income remains the same. We, the disabled community has to face great problems when it comes to daily expenditures. We have to spend more for transportation, especially in my case, about 20% of my monthly income would go to pay the cabbie to bring me to and fro from house to office.

Once other goods prices increase, we would have more burdens in spending. Some of us are on medication and therapies and some of us are supporting our family. With a low income, we have to sacrifice our desires in order to pay for our necessary needs.

A piece of drawing paper

2008-06-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

Today, I went to Gurney Plaza with my pretty mummy. Well, I was on my wheelchair again because I had a fall yesterday (Ouch!! my bum is still sore!). My pretty mummy pushed me around the ground floor. When we were about to enter the Esprit boutique, I saw a boy pointed at me, and asked his mum “What happened to her legs?”. His mum appeared embarrass to answer the question. But, I was happy that the boy was willing to enquire about me instead of running away. Children are just like a piece of drawing paper, it depends on us what to draw or paint on it.

感動

2008-06-03T12:25:00.000+08:00

Bad habit

2008-06-02T12:16:00.000+08:00

I love changing my mobile phone's ring tone so much. Perhaps, once a week!

You may like my current ring tone.

PS: Firefox users may not view the player and listen to it.

我要的...

2008-06-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

我要做一個自由的女人
我要做一個有信心的女人
我要做一個被人羨慕的女人
我要做一個被人愛慕的女人
我要做一個脾氣好的女人
我要做一個有事業的女人
我要做一個有愛心的女人
最後我要做一個孝順的女兒

我可以做到嗎?

不了解自己要的是什麼

2008-06-01T21:16:00.000+08:00

心情不大好就像最近的天氣.
哭了再想哭就像雨下了有要下.
我永遠不了解自己要的是什麼.

愛情與事業我都擁有了.
但是這樣的關係是我想要的嗎?
這份工作是我渴望的嗎?

他還是走了...

2008-05-29T11:03:00.000+08:00

Fears

2008-05-27T22:51:00.000+08:00

Fears of being rejected and ignored have been haunting my life. I had being rejected by someone who I like, I also had being rejected when I asked from a job and many more. Lecturers used to ignore me when I asked questions and classmates used to ignore me when I asked for help.

These rejection and ignorance might have pulled down my self-esteem and confidence. I would think twice or even more when I want to do something or approach someone. My life has to move on even there are fears. With these fears, I wonder how I am going to face my future and achieve my dreams. Consequently, I really think of rebuilding and reconstructing myself to move on.

Wind

2008-04-22T08:53:00.000+08:00

Feeling came without expectation, feeling gone in sudden. I was glad to have the special bond with him although it was short. Just like the wind, huh?

Maybank vs Me

2008-03-02T14:38:00.000+08:00

I was planning to open an account in one of the banks do some online banking to ease me to do online purchasing such as online ticket reservation and to top-up my mobile phone credit. I did some researches to see which bank offers the above services. Yesterday, I went to Maybank and intended to open a saving account there. Once I arrived, one of the officers…

Officer: What can I help you?

Me : I would love to open a saving account here.

Officer : Where is your guardian? Can you sign?

Me : I am above 18 years old. I’m working and I am educated. Why do I need guardian? I use my thumb print for my banking transaction.

Officer : Please calm down. This is our terms and conditions. We have to make sure that every of our customers is protected. We don’t want someone else to withdraw your money.

Me : Okay, What is your terms and conditions?

Officer : I’ll go to the counter and print it up for you. At the moment, you just fill up this form. Can I have your Identity Card to photocopy?

After a few minutes, the officer came back to me and returned my Identity Card to me.

Officer : I am sorry. The server is now upgrading so we are not able to print out the terms and conditions. Okay, I’ll ask my manager about your case when she is back. We will call you back.

Opening a saving account in a bank is a very simple transaction. Why did the bank reject me from this? Is this because of I am a person with disabilities? Person with disabilities has no rights to open his or her account for saving?

開心就笑

2008-01-15T13:52:00.000+08:00

開心就笑, 是一件很容易的事情.
為何我不會笑呢? 難道我已經忘記了快樂是怎麼味道?
接受了一家報紙的訪問, 當被問到有怎麼新年願望, 我立刻回答, “我不喜歡過節, 我不喜歡新年!”.
每當節日我就好想關自己在房間裡, 我怕面對人.
看到其他人可以自由自在去玩, 我也好想出去與朋友見面聊天.
我不喜歡要麻煩爸媽. 我更不應該打撈他們在他們忙的時間.
節日是我最不會笑的時刻.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-19T00:01:00.000+08:00

Cool New Graphics - MySpace/Friendster

零點

2007-09-22T21:08:00.002+08:00

欣賞不代表喜歡

喜歡不代表愛

愛不代表擁有

擁有不代表快樂

沒有期待就沒有失望

沒有開始就沒有結束

沒有愛就沒有恨

沒有借就沒有還

The mixture of different feelings - Part II - They melt my heart!

2007-09-19T13:24:00.000+08:00

They melt my heart! I hear greetings such as “Good morning, teacher” and “How are you?, teacher” from the familiar faces while I walk with my rollator to my department every morning. The greetings really melt my heart and make my day.

It was a party in my school which organized by Dell Asia Pacific Sdn. Children were asked to join and sing along with the staff from Dell Asia Pacific Sdn. It was proud and amazing to see them to sing. They enjoyed singing a lot. “Wow, my students sing well. I should have brought my digital camera”, I whispered to myself. They melt my heart once again.

As I mentioned in my previous entry, “What can they do is more important than how much they can do”. They can even touch and melt my heart with just a smile. What a miracle!

The mixture of different feelings

2007-09-14T17:48:00.000+08:00

As a person with disabilities who teaches children with disabilities, I’ve got mixture of different feelings in middle of my heart. I now really understand the meaning of “What can they do is more important than how much they can do”. I would feel this world is all mine even they could only complete a simple task such as identify a few alphabets in my computer session.

On another hand, I always wonder what the perceptions of my students’ parents are. What are their perceptions toward me? Do they think that I am not capable enough to educate the child? Do they ever think that why the school administrator employed me? Do they worry about their child’s safety when their child is with me?

Few parents asked me “How is my child doing in your session?”. I replied, “She/He is doing well.” Besides that answer, I am not able to have a better description about their child. It is not because they are not improving. I worry that they do not understand my speech and they do not have confidence in my teaching and my knowledge.

The same thing goes to the elder students. They already have their own thoughts and perceptions toward their teachers and their life. Nevertheless, I will try my best to educate and usher them to become a better person.

Multitasking

2007-09-10T13:50:00.000+08:00

In a computer, multitasking is allowing a user to perform more than one computer task (such as the operation of an application program) at a time. How about in a human being? Especially, our brain and thinking. I often think many things simultaneously, is that called "multitasking"? If our brain considered as a computer, could we just "turn off" our brain for a while?

妒嫉

2007-09-08T13:35:00.000+08:00

看到他們有了自己的另一半, 感覺很妒嫉. 妒嫉不是因為我還想念他們, 而是我好想有一個人在我身邉支持我, 了解我和愛護我. 我也妒嫉他們可以找到一個全心全意去愛他們的人. 也許我沒有這個福分去擁有這樣的感情.

The colour of our love

2007-09-08T13:21:00.000+08:00

The colour of our love has been vanishing. My sympathies have prolonged our relationship. Unfortunately you seemed like killing my hope. Your safety and your health were priority for me than anything; you hurt yourself by slashing your wrists. The wound in my heart is much deeper than your wrists wound, and my wounded heart is still bleeding. It was not acceptable. I really wish to have a new start in my life and I wish to be alone.

You uttered that you want to terminate your life again. You told me that your family left you and you feel you have nothing left. Did you ever think of my feeling? I have been giving my love to you.

Things happen without expectation.

2007-02-25T21:42:00.001+08:00

Time flies without noticing. Things happen without expectation. I could not sleep tight for few days after knowing my doctor has been diagnosed by top killer, cancer. He used to make me smile while I was ill. Started wondering why this happens to him. Does God like giving nice persons challenges and obstacles in life? God hates those bad people so He doesn't even want give them any obstacles in life?

Sharing

2006-07-22T11:57:00.000+08:00

I've got lots of thought about the real world lately. I'd share these thoughts of mine with you. You are welcome to give me comments and ideas about the real world.